


Misa's Nightmare

by Frae, uberneko_zero



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, Bodyswap, Curses, Gifts, Humor, M/M, Misa torture (but not literal torture), Other, Sexuality, Trans, Transgender, crackfic, girls dealing with guy stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frae/pseuds/Frae, https://archiveofourown.org/users/uberneko_zero/pseuds/uberneko_zero
Summary: Misa was a normal girl, pretty, pleased to be envied, and with a career in modeling. But she just wasn’t quite happy enough, and one day made a decision that threw life into a direction no one could anticipate. Bitch, be careful what you wish for, sometimes you might just get it! And you might find that what youwant, isn’t really what youneed.(Misa haters, you should be fine with this shit lol)Eventual m/m





	1. Dawning Horror

**Author's Note:**

> This idea and a few plot points were spawned between me and my coauthor as a collab project. The writing is mine. ^___^
> 
> Let the crackiness commence!

**Misa’s Nightmare**

a crackfic

* * *

Part 1: Dawning Horror

Misa woke up one fine Saturday morning, to the sounds of birds chirping blissfully among the trees outside, and groaned into her pillow. The noise was like tiny little needles stabbing into her brain. She hated birds. So noisy.

Last night had been a doozy and she was pretty sure she was rocking one hell of a hangover.

She’d followed her number one crush, super hottie Yagami out to one of the local clubs, intent to catch his eye. 

He didn’t really give her the time of day…. yet. 

But if she had one thing going for her other than her looks, her platinum blonde hair and her giant blue eyes, it was her  _ determination _ . And possibly also her formidable ego. Hey, it was helpful when it came to modeling. Besides, she was pretty sure Light had an ego almost as massive as her own, and so she figured they would make a natural pair. After all, they both had quite a lot they could be a bit stuck up about. 

But uuuuuuuugh he still hadn’t quite noticed what she had to offer.

It was somewhat maddening, as he was not seeing anyone and didn’t seem interested in any girl in particular. She still had a chance, she just had to kick up that determination and. just. GET. him.

She pushed the trainwreck of hair out of her eyes, feeling the tangles and the way it was sticking out all over the place, and let out an epic yawn.

Man, last night had been…..

Well, to be honest there were quite a few bits she couldn’t really recall. Most of it, actually. Other than the process of getting utterly hammered.

No matter. If there was an issue, PR would clear it right up.

“Alright,” she yawned. “Come on, Misa.”

Weird, her voice sounded more gravelly and rough than normal. She’d need to do something about that. Some tea, perhaps.

She dragged her ass out of bed, feeling a bit wrecked.  _ Ugh god… _ was that tequila she could still taste? She scratched her perky bum, and noted her little sleep shorts felt uncomfortable and tight like they were all tangled up.  _ Geez, _ she thought, blinking blearily.  _ Maybe I need to tone it down the next time I go out. _

Misa trudged over to her bathroom sink, pulling her hair up into a ponytail as she approached the mirror.

She stared at her reflection and let out a blood curdling, manly sounding shriek of horror.

“What the shit?” she bellowed, blinking hard and hoping someone had maybe just slipped a hallucinogen into one of her many drinks of the night.

Oooooooooh gooooood  **what** ????

She saw her expression shift to one of utter dismay as she reached shaky hands up to feel the reality of stubble upon her face.

Her MAN face.

Not only that….

She patted herself down, frantic. 

Flat chest, six pack, and… oh jesus  _ god _ she was packing.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!”

* * *

_ Earlier that evening…. _

Misa was stumbling along the main strip downtown, pretty as a picture with her smart dress and tall chunky heels, when a woman called out to her and waved her aside. “Hello, dearie?”

“Hmn?” Misa turned to look at her. 

The woman was wearing a shawl over her curly black hair, a deep blue with stars on it. She also looked questionable, like she was going to try and get her to buy something.

_ Ugh gawd, leave me alone. _

She was impatient to be on her way. She’d seen Light head off to another location from the club she’d trailed him to, and she didn’t want to lose track of him. One never knew when opportunity would rear its head, and she had to be ready. She had to stay in his eyesight so that one day he might actually  _ notice _ her. She wasn’t the only girl with that idea, but that didn’t mean she shouldn’t stay persistent.

“A moment of your time?” the woman insisted. “Please?”

_ Well…. ok geez. _ She supposed she could spare a moment.

The woman pulled her aside. “I sense a deep seeking within you.”

“Huh?”

The woman frowned and tried again. “There is something, that which your heart seeks, that is yet out of hand.”

“Uh…..” Maybe it was the alcohol but she wasn’t following.

The shawl wearing woman exhaled a sigh and looked put upon. Her mouth twisted wryly. “You have the hots for someone and he isn’t noticing  _ you want to do him like a jackhammer _ .”

Misa flushed. “Wha- I mean… Well…” She almost corrected the woman, figuring she meant LIGHT would be the one jackhammering, which would make a lot more sense, but figured it wasn’t important.

“You want him to see you in that way, yes?”

“YES! Of course!” she exclaimed, suddenly feeling irrationally helpful that this psychic lady or whatever she was could help. “More than anything!”

“Is that right? More than anything?”

“Yes, yes. Can you tell me what I have to do?” Now she was insanely hopeful. (And also quite drunk at the moment, but nevermind that.) “I have money. I can pay you.”

The woman shook her head. “All you have to do is say, ‘I wish myself to be desireable to the one I want.’ It’s very important to say, ‘I wish’.”

“Okay, okay.” Misa flipped her hair over her shoulders, squaring them with determination, and said, “I wish myself to be desireable to the one I want.”

A smile, almost something like a leer appeared briefly upon the woman’s face. “Oh, this will be fun.”

“I’m sorry?” Misa said, thinking she misheard.

“I said I hope you have fun.” The woman gave her a pleasant smile. “You are about to embark on a journey of self discovery as you pursue your heart’s desire.”

“Oh.” Well, that sounded nice enough. Somewhat… foreboding, however. She shrugged it off and waved at the odd woman before continuing on her way.

Behind her, unseen to Misa, the woman’s eyes flashed with an odd colored glow and she melted back out of sight. Faint words were lost upon the air like an exhaled breath, “ _ Un blestem _ has been transferred.” 

* * *

Hours later and Misa was still a wreck. She’d managed to shower, somehow, and was currently nursing her panic with a hot chocolate, her fluffy robe, and her favorite slippers. She had to pee soooooo bad though.

HOW had this happened?

She thought back through the evening and vaguely recalled talking to a strange lady on the street. Had it happened then?

An urgency hit her quite suddenly, this time not to be ignored. Crossing her legs was no longer going to cut it.

“Uuuuugh damnit,” she cried, stumbling to the bathroom before she had an accident.

_ I can do this, _ she told herself with DETERMINATION.

_ Guys do this all the time. How hard could it be? Just point and shoot, right? _ Surely, being of a fastidious nature, she could do it even more accurately than they.

She sucked in a deep breath, grabbed her washcloth out of the shower and took her newly acquired appendage in hand.

After that, nothing went as planned.

She’d been holding it in so long that controlling the spray was like wrestling a firehose. She shrieked in dismay as the stream went wild, spraying the lid of the toilet and splashing both her AND her pink puffy robe, and barely got it to point into the intended safety of the toilet before the end.

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

This robe was dryclean only.

* * *

Half a bottle of cherry flavored vodka later, Misa managed to convince herself that she didn’t look as horridly ridiculous as she knew she did - in the only clothes that fit her - and snuck outside to get to a clothing store.

There had been a baggy pair of sweatpants in the back of her dresser, skin tight on this body, but at least they fit. Unfortunately, they were bright pink and had rhinestones down one pantleg, spelling out ‘PRINCESS’. Her white t-shirt, the baggiest one she owned, looked like a crop top.

She’d pulled her hair back into a low ponytail, knowing that looked more guy-like, and hid her face partially under a cute black newsboy cap.

She was crying on the inside.

What a fashion DISASTER. 

All of her clothes were cute and adorable, but  _ she _ no longer was. She had abs you could bounce a quarter off of, debonair stubble, a broadly muscled chest, and arms like freaking Paul Bunyan.

How was she supposed to be more attractive to Light like  **this** ??

People were staring as she scuttled into a nearby department store.

_ Oh my GAWD.  _ This was horrible.

Snickering. She heard  **snickering** and stifled laughter as she furtively passed people.

She made herself ask a salesperson to help size her and pick out some attire. To their credit, they hid their surprise at her appearance. Well, after the initial jaw drop. But at least they made the effort.

It was nothing short of humiliating to pull out her favorite hello kitty wallet to pay for the clothes.

Luckily they let her wear some of her purchases out, so she could at least avoid the fanfare on the way out of the store and back home.

She was just turning the last corner when she nearly ran right into someone.

“Oh! I am so sorry,” she fretted, helping to right the person. He had nice shoulders, broad and firm under her hands.

He looked up and her heart nearly crumbled to dust. She coughed weakly as she saw it was none other than super delish Light Yagami, in the flesh.  _ Oh god his eyes are gorgeous,  _ she swooned despite herself.

“It’s quite alright,” he said with a suave smile, resurrecting her heart and setting it on fire. He was staring at her and not just skimming over her like usual. “Are you new around here?” he asked, picking up her bag and handing it to her. Their fingers brushed as she took it from him, and it gave her butterflies.

“S-Sort of new,” she stammered.

“Well, would you like to get a drink sometime? I know a nice place.”

_ Oh no. _

Realization suddenly hit her like a 10 ton elephant.

“Y-You’re GAY?!!” she blurted out in horror.

* * *

_ Well, that could have gone better,  _ she thought self-deprecatingly, after having fled to the sanctity of her apartment.

Naturally, saying something like that had been shocking. His pretty eyes had widened quite comically and, before he could fully react, she’d hauled ass away from the scene of her complete and utter humiliation.

_ Attractive to the one I want, INDEED!  _ she fumed, still shaking like a leaf.  _ Damnit, why was he still so HOT??? _

“But I don’t want to be a man,” she wailed, sinking down onto the floor of her bedroom, right at the center of a fluffy, circular, ecru colored throw rug.  
  


* * *

To be continued……

  
**A/N:**

* _ Un blestem _ \- means ‘a curse’ in Romanian.


	2. Dating??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh, the horror continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part of me wonders if this is the closest i'll ever come to writing m/f -.- lolz

**Misa’s Nightmare**

a crackfic

* * *

Part 2: Dating??

Misa debated things heavily for the next few days: her life, her dating prospects, and who she should be attracted to now that she was…. a dude.

To keep with societal standards, she did try and bend her mind around the idea of courting women… but she just COULDN’T. Apparently, although her outward gender had changed, inwardly she still felt like a girl and was still into boys. She miiiight have had a mini breakdown when walking herself through the mechanics of being intimate with a girl and using her new parts to….

UGH.

She just  _ couldn’t _ . Not happening.

Besides, she didn’t want to date and pamper someone, SHE wanted to be the pampered one. She wanted to be the  _ pretty _ one. And yet, as things were…

She sucked in a sniffling breath, trying not to dissolve once more into tears.

It seemed that the only logical thing to do, now that she was a guy and her crush seemed to go for guys…. was to try to find Mr. Hotness, apologize for earlier, and see if things could work out in this bizarre sort of arrangement.

* * *

Using her usual methods (largely stalking social media), Misa found out when and where Light might be out and about. He was often up for a night on the town and his fans tended to document his every move. They weren’t always accurate, but about 50 percent of the time, they were.

Misa found him at a slightly seedy club just south of the main strip, not the usual place for him to be found, but this was after he’d left a more well known club.

Oddly enough, there weren’t many women there.

_ Oh well, must be ladies’ night somewhere else,  _ she figured.

Light was drinking a martini up at the bar, chatting with the bartender who was anorexic thin and had dark, sleepless eyes. His hair probably could have stood to see the business end of a brush, if you asked her.

“H-hi,” she stammered, heart pounding in her throat. She was horribly anxious seeing as the last thing she’d said to Light was along the lines of shouting out his sexual preferences to the world and everyone on the street. “Excuse me.”

He turned his gorgeous face to look at her. It was a bland expression he wore. “Can I help you?” he stated primly, looking totally unimpressed with her presence.

She flushed, feeling mortified. “Um… I wanted to apologize for earlier.” Ugh, she could hear how manly her voice was compared to her usual lilting tones and it  **_bugged_ ** her. “I was having a rough day.”

“Indeed,” he said, making her work for it. His eyes trailed over her, still not losing that unimpressed look, but it appeared as if he may have been relenting.

“Is there something I can do to make it up to you?” she fretted. “I truly am sorry about that.”

“Let me buy you a drink?” he supposed, tilting his glass up to catch the light. He didn’t look at her, but remained as if enchanted by his own glass and the brightly colored liquid within it. It was a glowing aqua blue, and was beautiful. “Hypnotic, isn’t it?” he asked, making a play on words to the alcohol likely in the drink, eyes catching hers at last as she tore them away from the glass.

“Y-yes,” she said, falling into his eyes. They were enchanting. 

Light signalled the bartender to bring another round. It was only a moment before they both had a glowing azure drink that looked like a witch’s potion or a potent aphrodisiac.

She downed almost half of hers in one nervous gulp. He was staring at her and she was feeling flustered as all get out.

“What’s your name?” Light asked in his suave, sexy voice.

CRAP.

“M-Misha,” she stumbled out, feeling like she wanted to stab herself with a fork. “Amane.”

Her cheeks burned in shame as she assumed a name that sounded kind of like her own but could pass for a guy’s name.

One of Light’s elegant brows lifted, a considering look on his face. A slightly  _ puzzled _ look on his face. “That sounds familiar. I can’t quite place it though….”

She barely kept her mouth from dropping open at those words.

_ OH. MY. GOD! He doesn’t know who I  _ **_am_ ** _! _

Her inner world turned upside down, in utter chaos. _Well, who girl me is,_ she amended. Not that it made the revelation that much better. _It’s MISA,_ she wanted to rail at him. _MISA AMANE_! _You jerk, how could you not even remember my name?!_ _Do you know how many photoshoots I went to just to get a chance to talk to you and see you? To see those smiles you dispensed without a second thought! Do you know how much sleep I gave up to show up at the clubs people said you might be at each night?? And for what?! You’re stuck up, GAY, and never even gave me a chance to…._

Light was smiling at her, a debonair look, completely derailing her internal ranting.

She blinked a few times, trying to get it through her head that her crush, that LIGHT, was looking at her like that - like he wanted to lick her like a popsicle.

_ Oh goddamnit, _ she wailed internally,  _ he probably  _ **_does_ ** _!  _

A crass visual popped into her mind of him doing just that to her man bits.

It kept hitting her like a bomb detonating in her face - that to the outside world, she wasn’t a HER, she was a HIM, and Light seemed much more into that and probably into the extra equipment she now carried in her pants. 

A hand sliding up her khaki-covered thigh furthered that impression.

OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod.

It was kind of hot, especially as he leaned in to brush a kiss against her mouth, but at the same time, she had a MASSIVE PROBLEM with the fact that she was a GIRL. And Light thought she was a GUY.

She couldn’t be pleased by the attention, as he was into what amounted to the antithesis of everything that she was.

“You’re a bottom, right?” he asked in a silky voice.

Shock and horror flashed through her like lightning. Acid rain pounded down upon the torch she’d been carrying for him as she realized he was totally focused on sex and probably didn’t give a rat’s ass about her personally. “Er…” she got out, trying to hold back the quavering in her voice. Light had seemed so dashing, like such a gentleman. To say this was a let down was a tragic understatement.

“I live nearby,” he offered silkily.

_ Oh. my.  _ **_god_ ** _ ….. _

“I.. um… I have to use the restroom,” she stammered out. “I’ll be right back.”

He was a SLUT. A total  _ SLUT _ .

Horror was tap dancing upon the broken shards of her heart.

And still….  **still** , he was soooo HOT. She couldn’t quite ignore the fact that her heart was racing, and her lower bits felt tickled, even as her chest flooded with dismay.

But she didn’t want to be a conquest. She wanted to be  _ in love _ .

Luckily she remembered to go into the  _ men’s _ room at the last minute, instead of the women’s restroom. She could do without THAT embarrassment!

Once in the relative safety of the men’s room, she broke down into sniffling, dainty little sobs. Her heart. Oh, her heart.

“Are you okay?” someone asked, making her jump nearly out of her skin.

Her eyes went wide as saucers. She hadn’t intended anyone to SEE her like this.

The person was a nondescript looking young man with fluffy dark hair and a pleasant, if not slightly vapid, expression. He looked somewhat concerned.

“I’m fine,” she said gruffly, waving him off and wiping at her eyes.

“Here, use this,” he offered. He was holding out a pretty handkerchief. It was simple, but a lovely shade of pale blue. At this moment the sight of it was comforting, especially the decorative edging that gave the impression of lace although it was just an embroidery. There was also a monogram upon the corner.

She took it gingerly. “M?” she asked as she dabbed at her eyes.

He gave her a rueful smile, putting a hand to the back of his head as if slightly embarrassed. It was marginally cute. “I’m Matsuda.”

When she didn’t immediately react, his hand dropped down to his side and the empathetic look was back. “Why are you upset?” he asked rather seriously.

She sucked in a deep breath, crushing the handkerchief slightly in her strong manly fist. “My date isn’t really turning out like I thought it would.”

“No?” he asked tentatively. “What went wrong?”

Misa frowned. “He… well…” she felt so odd confiding in this random person, not to mention that anyone would think she was gay since two guys together typically meant just that. “Forget it.”

“No, it’s ok,” he insisted. “I’d like to know. Maybe I can offer you some solace.”

“Well,” she tried again, “he seemed so great, you know? And he’s suuuuper hot. But….”

“But?”

She sniffled, and dabbed at the tears now falling again from her eyes. “But he doesn’t see the real meeeeee~” she wailed, throwing her arms around him and sobbing into his chest.

To his credit he didn’t toss her off or act all weird. He merely patted her back compassionately and murmured something along the lines of, “There, there.”

After several long moments, she composed herself. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice still sounding drippy with tears.

“You seem like a sweet person,” Matsuda said earnestly. “I’m sorry if he can’t see that.”

“Right?” she sniffed.

Misa felt marginally normal and at ease talking with this Matsuda person. It very nearly made her forget her condition, though that came crashing back into her reality as she accidentally caught sight of herself in the mirror.

“WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” she cried. “No one will ever love me like this! I’m a nightmare!”

The young man looked taken aback. “W-What’s wrong??”

“I-I’m n-nothing b-b-b-ut a piece of meat to hiiiiiiiim,” she cried. “And all I ever wanted was to be pretty and have him notice meeeeee.”

“Pretty?” Matsuda said, looking surprised.

“My favorite color is PINK,” she said, baring all. “I like painting my toenails, doing facials, and wearing fluffy robes. And HE wants a pork pie to sink his mitts into and I am MORE THAN THAT!” Her angry tone faltered a bit at the end and she let out a wail of despair.

“Well then dump him!” the dark-haired man said, looking upset. “You shouldn’t be with someone who can’t make you happy or accept you for who you are.”

“Oh, Matsu,” she cried. “Why are you so very nice? And sweet.” She dried her eyes once more on the borrowed handkercheif and tried to pull herself together. She needed to return it, afterall.

“No, that’s ok,” he said, refusing her attempt to give it back. He folded her fingers around it. “Might I ask for you to return it at a later date?”

She gave him a confused look.

He looked nervous, maybe a bit bashful. “Perhaps we could meet again? Say, over lunch?”

“Are you…. asking me out?” she was incredulous.

“N-No!” he said quickly, raising his hands as if to placate her. “But I would like to get to know you.” 

So he said, but it seemed to her that he WAS asking her out. “I might be ok with that,” she replied coyly.

“Really?” he exclaimed, perking up considerably.

He was rather silly, she thought, but he was kind of growing on her. Unlike the mysterious and somewhat snooty sex appeal that Light exuded, Matsuda was like an open book, wore his emotions on his sleeve, and was rather like a puppy. But being around him felt nicer than being around Light. And he actually wanted to get to know her, whereas Light just wanted to know how fast he could get her in his bed. She was sure it would be a scintillating experience, but her inner girl would be committing seppuku.

* * *

To be continued…...

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I miiiiight have been slightly drunk when I started this. :D And what can I say, I'm laughing my ass off on the reread/proofing. Good job, drunkass me! Haha. That brown liquor will get ya!
> 
> (part 2 is written, just awaiting my coauthor to actually read/comment. part 3 is brewing.)


End file.
